I love you more…

This past Monday, my grandmother died.

It wasn’t unexpected, but at the same time, it was sudden.  Just a few hours before she died I had IM’d with my dad and really thought that she might make it until my planned visit home in May.  I thought I’d get to see her one last time.  But Mum (that’s what I called my grandmother) had other plans.  And I’m grateful that she went on her own terms.

Despite only recently becoming an expat, I haven’t actually lived in my hometown, where everyone else in my family resides, since I went away to graduate school way too many years ago.  The amount of actual face time I get during the course of a year with those I love amounts to, at most, maybe a month.  I’ve learned to make that time count.

This past Christmas, I had a feeling it might be the last time I saw Mum alive.  Now, whenever I visited Mum I always gave her a kiss and an “I love you” before I left.  That last visit was no different, except that after I kissed her, said “I love you” and started to leave, I stopped, went back to her and did it all one more time.  And I’m so glad I did.

As I reflect on my relationship with my grandmother, I think that it might have been made even stronger because of the miles between us.  Because I lived out of town, I got in the habit of calling her nearly every Sunday. Sometimes the conversations were just a couple of minutes long and I’d let her complain about being bored and getting old.  But we also had some really interesting conversations that other members of my family might find surprising – including in depth discussions of gay marriage and healthcare reform.  For real.

Every time one of our Sunday calls was about to end I would say to Mum, “I love you” and she would always reply “I love you more.”  And that would always make me smile.

I’m going to miss those Sunday conversations, just as I am going to miss everything about my grandmother.  But I’m lucky I had her in my life for as long as I did, and I will carry her love in my heart as I continue on my crazy Irish adventure.





15 thoughts on “I love you more…

  1. Simply said “just beautiful” . You were lucky to have such a close relationship with your “Mum” for such a long time…I feel your pain. So sorry for your loss.

  2. Hi Shannon I can’t figure out this bloggy thing on my iPhone ha ha! Anyway we are back!!! Door 51 is back and we would live to see you in! We have a menu and table waiting for you. If you’re free we’d love to see you for a coffee! 🙂 Donna! x

    • Hi Donna!

      I did see that Door 51 was coming back – are you guys re-opened now?

      I am home in Buffalo until Monday but was planning on stopping by next week when I am back.

      I’m sorry the Noodle bar didn’t work out – I send my friend Helen, who was visiting me, there for lunch one day and she said it was very good. But I am so happy to have my favorite hang out in Ranelagh back. I’ve missed you guys and I will be in very soon.


    • Emily! I can’t believe I haven’t seen you all week. I’ll be back in town for a visit in May, which was already planned before my grandmother passed. We’ll definitely see each other then!

      Thanks for the nom! I will figure out how to do all that linkage stuff and get answering those questions.

      Thanks for being a loyal reader. I love reading your blog too. 🙂

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