The Good, The Bad and The…

So here we are at the end of 2022 – how are we all feeling about that? While I hope everyone reading had an amazing year, for me, if I had to rate 2022 it would get a solid “fine.” There was a lot of good but also some bad.

Good: Covid isn’t as bad as it was. Last year at this time we had the new omicron variant just getting started and covid was everywhere. It’s still everywhere but we are nowhere near the state we were in during Christmas of 2020 and 2021. We have vaccines. We have treatments. It’s definitely a lot better than it was.

Bad: Covid is still here. The bugger is not going anywhere any time soon. It finally caught up with me a few weeks ago and, though my symptoms were thankfully very mild, I had to delay my trip home for the holidays. People are still ending up in hospital and on ventilators. People are still dying. We are stuck with covid, and that is bad.

Good: The world opened up! Most countries opened up their border and even eventually dropped testing requirements. People, including myself, were able to travel again – for work, for play, for whatever! And it felt better than good. My wanderlust got a real fix after two pretty dormant years. Highlights included a week in Canada with my family at a place we used to go to as kids but that I haven’t been to in many, many years and more recently, an amazing river cruise through southeastern Europe. It’s a trip that had been postponed several times due to covid and other elements of life getting in the way, so finally taking that trip felt like a personal triumph.

Bad: My hometown of Buffalo, New York had a tough year. In May, there was a mass shooting in a grocery store perpetrated by a racist who tried to broadcast the shooting in real time online. Ten people were killed. Ten people who did nothing more than go to work or go to shop. It’s mind-numbingly tragic and unfair. And somehow, inevitable. Just 10 days later, 19 people, mostly children, were massacred in another shooting in Uvalde, Texas. It never stops. And just last week, Buffalo was hit with a tragedy of a different kind – this time a blizzard. Buffalo is no stranger to snow, but this was unlike anything seen in decades. The latest count is 40 people dead. There could be more when all is said and done. I haven’t lived in Buffalo full-time in years but it will always be home and the year its had breaks my heart.

Good: The animated series I created with my writing partner went into production and we’ve been working our tails off as the Creators/Show Runners/Head Writers. It has not been easy and it’s been full of challenges but I am well aware how very lucky I am to be actually making my own show. Many people work their entire careers with this as a goal that remains unfulfilled. So, even with the stress and the challenges this is definitely a good thing. And if the show turns out how we have envisioned it in our heads since the day we created it, it will be a great thing!

Bad: I’ve lost some friends this year. People I thought I was close to. People I thought would be part of my life for a long time. But stuff happens, people change. I’m not even sure that these people realize (or more to the point, care) that things have changed between us. I guess that’s how things go sometimes. It really stinks though.

Good: I’m Irish! Getting my Irish citizenship in June was definitely a highlight of my year. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, and with covid delays, I had to be very patient in my wait to get it. But got it I did – at the first in-person ceremony since early 2020. That was a good day. Actually, it was the best day!

Ugly: … nah. I didn’t have an ugly year. But many people I know and care about did. They lost loved ones, had cancer diagnoses, had marriages break up, were made redundant at their jobs – those are all larger crosses than anything I had to bear this year. And I wish those friends strength and hope for the new year ahead. I hope it’s a brighter one for them.

I always like to include a quote in my New Year posts. I’ve used quotes from Alfred, Lord Tennyson previously, and these simple words encapsulate nicely my feelings as we close out 2022:

Ring out the old, ring in the new. Ring out the false, ring in the true.

I plan to do just that. And I hope 2023 is new and true for all of you!

Ten Years Later…

November 5th marked the ten-year anniversary of my arrival in Dublin – but on November 5th of this year I was holidaying in Budapest so, obviously, I didn’t have time to write a blog post.

Thinking about November 5th ten years ago, I was filled with anticipation about the new life I was starting. I remember the taxi ride from the airport when I had my first glimpse of Dublin, albeit in the dark. I remember my cute little hotel across from Christ Church Cathedral and the lovely Italian restaurant I wandered into for dinner. I even remember the glass of red wine I had with that dinner. It was all so exciting and Dublin felt so… shiny.

But what about ten years ago today, November 27th? I have been a journal-writer for decades, so I was literally able to read about how I was feeling then and, three weeks into my little Irish adventure, things were considerably less shiny. In fact, I’d thought I’d made the biggest mistake of my life in moving here and even called the international moving company I’d hired and asked, once my stuff arrived, would I be able to move it back to the States immediately. I was that sure that Dublin was not going to work out.

The previous three weeks had been so bad that November 27th was actually the day that I went to the doctor and got myself a prescription for xanax – my sister had reminded me that I was living in a country with socialized medicine and why the hell didn’t I get some anti-depressants already?! So, I did. And I’m glad I did. The xanax didn’t fix everything but it definitely helped.

It was still well into the New Year before I started to think that maybe, just maybe, moving to Dublin wasn’t a huge mistake. I started work, which I enjoyed. I began to make friends – both expats and Irish. I started to decipher the mysteries of life in Ireland such as the immersion and what ‘it’ll be grand’ really means. I opened a bank account and got a PPS number and had my first real Guinness. Things eventually started to feel normal and slowly, very slowly, Dublin started to feel like home.

And now, here I am, ten years later. I am now the owner of an apartment in the same complex I lived in when I first arrived. I’m an Irish citizen who will soon have her very own Irish passport. Those are things I couldn’t have even fathomed ten years ago. The past decade has been quite the adventure and quite the journey, full of ups and downs – as all adventures and journeys are, I suppose.

Dublin is now a city I love. A place that I do find quite shiny. A place filled with friends I love. A place that has opened up the rest of the world to me. A place that is… home.

Nearly Normal…

Covid is still a thing. Anyone who denies this is kidding themselves. But it’s not the “thing” it was two years ago. We hear the term “living with covid” bandied about quite liberally these days and I suppose it’s accurate. Most people have returned to some semblance of their pre-2020 lives, but no matter how much we wish it was the case, a world without covid is simply not the real world. But this week my professional life here in Dublin took some big steps toward getting back to whatever normal is now. 

My company has been completely remote since March 13, 2020 and, while we were very lucky that we were able to switch to remote working fairly easily, being 100% remote has had its challenges. But this past week we got the keys to our new studio space – on Merrion Square! Those familiar with Dublin will know that this address is… fancy. We have two floors of a gorgeous Georgian building, across the street from a beautiful park and smack dab in the middle of Dublin city centre. Even though it’s still just empty rooms, we had a studio happy hour on Friday to christen the new space. 

And it was lovely. 

Our company has grown by leaps and bounds during the past couple years so we were not only reunited with familiar faces, but finally got to meet the people who have joined us since covid started. Everyone was so happy to see (or meet!) each other, and being in the new studio space was really exciting and energizing. Being in a studio space again really drove home what we’ve been missing these past couple years. I know that I am very excited to have a place to go to again. And it doesn’t hurt that there’s a lovely pub on the corner for more company happy hours! 

After our “little” studio get-together it was time to move on to the main event – the Women In Animation Summer Party. WIA is an organization that, pre-covid, would plan events for the Irish animation industry (not just women!). The two big events have always been the Summer Party and the Christmas Party – they’ve always been great craic. But, of course, covid put a stop to them. We held the last Christmas Party in December 2019 and were not able to hold another event until this past Saturday. 

And it was lovely. 

The woman who basically organized the entire thing herself was worried that not many people would show up. Let’s just say she had absolutely nothing to worry about! The turnout was incredible – there had to be at least 300 people there, probably more. It was a beautiful summer night and we had the roof terrace all to ourselves. And people were just so happy to see each other, so happy to hug and drink and catch up and celebrate the amazing professional community we have here in Ireland. 

In addition to being lovely, it was also needed. So needed. You could feel the joy and the energy. Energy that had been building and joy that had been missing for nearly two and a half years. It felt like a turning point. 

So, while covid is still very much with all of us, these past few days felt like the start of something nearly normal. And it really is lovely. 

Kiss me, I’m Irish!

I don’t know what the saying “Kiss me, I’m Irish” is actually supposed to mean. A google search reveals that it’s something to do with the Blarney Stone. I remember it being on St. Patrick’s Day decorations and T-shirts when I was a kid. I don’t think I’ve ever heard an actual Irish person say it. But, the saying is oddly apt (“for the day that’s in it” – an actual Irish phrase I’ve heard people say) because…

I AM IRISH!

On Monday, 20th June in Killarney, County Kerry, I took the oath of citizenship along with approximately 450 other people. It was very special, made perhaps even more special because this was the first in-person citizenship ceremony in two years, since covid put a stop to so many things. I had to cut a work trip short and make my way to County Kerry on Sunday so I was there for the ceremony on Monday morning. At first I found this rather annoying. Other friends, during covid restrictions, were able to get their naturalization certificate via post  – why couldn’t I do that?! It would certainly have been easier and more convenient.

But when I arrived at the Killarney convention centre and sat amongst all the other citizenship candidates, the excitement and joy was palpable. There were young people and elderly people. People of every color of the rainbow. I heard so many different accents and different languages being spoken. All of us had our own story that brought us to this place and this moment. And we were all about to become Irish, together.

I may or may not have gotten a bit teary as we recited the Declaration of Fidelity. This is my third citizenship but the first one in which I’ve had to make such an oath. I was born in the US, so got that citizenship automatically. I had to work hard to get my Italian citizenship but that was to get my citizenship recognized, not granted – I’d always been an Italian citizen. With my Irish citizenship it’s different – it’s a privilege, not a right. It’s something I wanted and chose to pursue, rather than something I just always had. It was a conscious choice, and a choice I’m so glad I made.

In the packet of materials we got on the day of the ceremony, along with our Naturalization Certificate, a copy of the Irish Constitution and an Irish flag pin, there was a letter from the Minister for Justice. The last two paragraphs pretty much sum up why this day was so special and why it is my absolute privilege and joy to now be Irish:

It’s important to know that becoming an Irish citizen does not mean giving up your identity from your homeland. It is an integral part of who you are and how you have come to be here today. We want you to share your culture, traditions and stories with us. Over time they will become part of the fabric of our soceity and we will be richer for it. 

Today marks the start of a new chapter in your life, one that you have chosen to share with us, your fellow Irish citizens. We will celebrate your achievements, support you in difficult times and ensure that you always have a place to call home. 

So yeah – kiss me, I’m Irish!

Buffalove…

Last Saturday, I was having a picnic with friends in the park near my apartment here in Dublin. It was a lovely afternoon filled with conversation and laughter and prosecco. But then, when I got back to my place in the early evening, in my prosecco-filled haze, I saw on twitter and facebook that something was happening in my hometown of Buffalo, New York.

And it was the worst thing one could imagine – a mass shooting. At a grocery store. On a saturday afternoon. A lone gunman, armed with automatic weapons and wearing body armor, shot 13 people, killing 10 of them. Details were sketchy when I first heard the news. I immediately tried to figure out which Tops market the shooting had taken place at. When I found out the location was Jefferson Ave. on Buffalo’s East Side, I knew in an instant that everyone in my immediate family and friend circle was safe. I also was 99% sure that the shooting was going to be a young, white man and that this was a racially-motivated hate crime.

I was right.

The terrorist, whose name I will not write here, purposely picked this Tops market because it was located in a black neighborhood. He posted a hate-filled manifesto online and live-streamed his shooting spree on twitch. What has happened so many times before in so many places in the US has now happened in my home town. I spent the rest of that evening crying as details of the massacre started to filter online and onto the news over here.

Buffalo has been experiencing a renaissance in recent years – at the same time some would argue that Dublin has experienced a bit of a downturn. Buffalo now has amazing restaurants, wonderful entertainment, cultural and sporting events, and areas that were once abandoned and derelict factories are finding uses as some of those restaurants and entertainment venues. Winter or summer, there’s now amazing stuff to do in Buffalo.

But there is still a segregation of neighborhoods – hence how I knew immediately when I learned the address of the store that it was a racially-motivated attack. There is a difference being white in Buffalo and being black in Buffalo – just as there is a difference being white in America and being black in America. It’s my white privilege that allowed me to nearly immediately know that my family and friends were safe in the aftermath of this attack – my zip code wouldn’t have been targeted by a racist, gun-toting terrorist.

I could go on about white privilege or start in on gun control but I’m not going to do that today. Today, I just want my hometown to know that I love it and that no matter how long I’ve been away, it will always be home. And, while I won’t write the name of the terrorist, I will write the names of those he killed.

They deserved better and now, at the very least, they deserve to be remembered.

• Roberta A. Drury, 32, of Buffalo
• Margus D. Morrison, 52, of Buffalo
• Andre Mackniel, 53, of Auburn, New York
• Aaron Salter, 55, of Lockport, New York
• Geraldine Talley, 62, of Buffalo
• Celestine Chaney, 65, of Buffalo
•  Heyward Patterson, 67, of Buffalo
• Katherine Massey, 72, of Buffalo
• Pearl Young, 77, of Buffalo
• Ruth Whitfield, 86, of Buffalo

Rest in power. Rest in peace.

A Matter of Choice…

It’s been quite the week in the States with the leaking of a draft Supreme Court opinion that would repeal Roe Vs. Wade. Once this happens, abortion would immediately become illegal in more than a dozen states, legislating what a woman can and cannot do with her own body and, as far as I’m concerned, catapulting the US back about 50 years. This was big news world wide – it was the lead story here in Ireland when the leak happened. The ramifications of the repeal of Roe Vs. Wade are far reaching and in some cases, still unknown. But none of it is good. And I am so angry.

When I moved to Dublin nearly ten years ago abortion was illegal. Irish women had to go to the UK if they wanted to end a pregnancy. Excited as I was to move to Dublin and begin my life as an expat, it troubled me that the church seemed to hold so much power over the government and the lives of its citizens. Divorce wasn’t legalized in Ireland until 1995. You read that right – 1995!!! Is it any wonder that women didn’t have the right to chose what happened with their own body?

But during my decade in Ireland things have started to change – for the better. Ireland is by no means perfect. It still has issues – lots of issues. The church still has a hold here but that hold is loosening – at the same time the religious right in the US seem to be tightening its grip. Primary schools here can no longer require that a child be baptized in order to attend school. Yeah, that was a thing here until the Education (Admission to Schools) Act of 2018. Is it still a problem that the majority of tax-funded primary schools in Ireland are Catholic? For sure, yes. Big problem. But still, progress in the correct direction.

And Ireland is making forward progress in other important areas as well. In 2015, Ireland became the first country in the world to legalize gay marriage by popular vote. Take that, church! And then, in 2018 the Irish public voted to repeal the 8th amendment of the Constitution and make abortion legal. Women in Ireland now have access to legal, safe abortions. It was a long time coming, but Ireland finally made the choice to let women have autonomy over their own bodies.

Ireland is actually a pretty socially progressive country. In the 2021 Social Progress Index, calculated every year by the Social Progress Imperative, Ireland lands in Tier 1 at lucky number 13 – higher than the Tier 2 countries of the UK, France and the US. Are we up there with the Scandinavian countries? Haha! No, not by a long shot. But where we are is not a bad place to be. Like I said, Ireland is far from perfect but at least it feels to be headed in the right direction.

Rights are being taken away in the United States and it has me feeling pretty hopeless. But Ireland’s trajectory gives me hope. Not only for Ireland but for the US as well. And I, for one, am quite happy I made the choice to live here and have been able to witness this change.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona daoibh…

St. Patrick’s Day was this past Thursday and Ireland is currently finishing up a four-day holiday weekend in celebration of it. This Paddy’s Day was extra special because it was the first “real” one Ireland’s had in two years. In 2020, if there was any doubt about the seriousness of covid-19 that evaporated when Ireland cancelled St. Patrick’s Day that year. Everything was closed down, including the pubs. It was all so surreal, and so scary. 

Last year, things were still not back to normal but they were a bit better:

This year though, St Patrick’s Day was back. The pubs were open, the parade was back on and, perhaps most shockingly of all, the weather cooperated. Now, I didn’t go anywhere near a pub or the parade, but even pre-pandemic, I would tend to stay away from pubs and parades on Paddy’s Day because I have always hated crowds. As I walked around in my neighborhood though, there was a happiness and lightness to everyone. No, the pandemic isn’t over and the war in Ukraine hangs over everything, but on that day, I could feel the joy – and it felt lovely.

St. Patrick’s Day is an interesting holiday in that I can’t think of another one that is so specifically tied to one country and yet celebrated so enthusiastically around the world. Last year, 690 landmarks in sixty-six different countries were lit up green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. It’s a day where everyone embraces Ireland. A day where everyone is a little bit Irish. A day where this little island I call home gets to shine in the world spotlight. And it’s nice. Even with the shitstorm status of things these days, it’s nice.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona daoibh!

If You’re Not Livid, You’re Not Listening…

If you’re not livid, you’re not listening.

Amanda Gorman tweeted that message on February 24 – only a week and a half ago but feels like a lifetime.

I’m not even sure what I want to write about in this post. Words feel like they don’t have much meaning these days. I’m trying to understand what is happening but, despite my best efforts I can make no sense of it – perhaps because there is no sense to be made.

Russia has invaded Ukraine. A million people have been displaced and are now refugees – Ireland is set to take in 20,000 of them. Civilians are dying – and also taking up arms, determined to save their country from these invaders. Ukraine did not roll over, which it seems like might have been what Putin expected. They are fighting. The EU, the US, and other countries are helping via sanctions and supplies – both military and humanitarian – but is it enough?

I find myself thinking about everyday Russians as well. I traveled to Russia in 2015 and I loved it. It was beautiful and the people I met were wonderful. And I have friends who live in Russia. It’s hard not to think about how the actions of their mad leader are affecting them. There have been massive demonstrations by Russians in Russia – something they do at great personal risk as there is no right to assembly. I remember how I felt as an American about the second gulf war. My government most definitely did not act or speak for me then – and I think many Russians find themselves in that situation now.

But for obvious reasons, the focus must say on what is happening to Ukrainians in their now war torn country. This weekend, the ceasefire to aid the civilian evacuation was broken by Russia. There are convoys dozens of kilometers long heading toward the major cities. This isn’t happening as quickly as Putin wanted but how long can Ukraine hold out? And if Ukraine were to fall, what next? Putin is a madman – if he isn’t stopped here will there be any stopping him? Ukraine is not a NATO member (fun fact – neither is Ireland) but if the attacks spills over into Poland or another NATO country where an attack on one is considered an attack on all, are we looking at a full scale war on the European continent? Ireland is a neutral country and separated from continental Europe but it’s folly to think a war on that scale wouldn’t affect us, badly, here.

Those are a lot of what ifs though. What is happening now in Ukraine is a fact. I’m struggling with what I can do to help other than donate money. Posting the Ukrainian flag or a sunflower on my social media feels empty. War has come to Europe – what do we do about it? How do we stop it? Can we stop it?

I’m listening. I’m livid. But I know that isn’t enough.

Spring is… here?

This past Monday was Saint Brigid’s day here in Ireland, also called Imbolc when referring to the traditional Gaelic festival. I don’t recall being super aware of Saint Brigid’s Day in previous years and I’m not entirely sure why. I think maybe there is a bit more focus on it this year because it has been decided that, starting next year, Saint Brigid’s Day will be a bank holiday – a very welcome change since right now we have to wait from New Year’s Day to St. Patrick’s Day for a bank holiday in Ireland. Or maybe I just haven’t been paying attention in previous years. Yeah, it’s probably that.

February 1 or Saint Brigid’s Day occurs about halfway between the winter solstice and spring equinox and marks the beginning of spring here in Ireland. Spring?! On the first of February?! I’m sorry, what?! But it’s true – according to the traditional Gaelic calendar, spring started a week ago. This is something that, much like using celsius for temperatures and driving on the left side of the road, that nearly ten years in, I still struggle with. And for someone who grew up in Buffalo, New York where February can literally bring meters of snow (my niece had a snow day from school just this week), it’s vey hard to comprehend that this month could be considered the start of spring.

In the US, we mark the change of seasons with the astronomical calendar’s summer and winter solstices and spring and autumn equinoxes. So this year, according to that calendar, spring begins on March 20. And then there is the meteorological calendar which bases the start of the seasons on the annual temperature cycle and marks the start of spring as the first of March.

So we have the Gaelic, astronomical and meteorological calendars to choose from. Which was is right? All of them? None of them?

Yes. Exactly. I don’t know either.

For my friends here in Ireland for whom last week marked spring’s start – happy spring! For my US friends who are still snowed under and for whom spring seems like a distant dream – hang in there, spring will come!

Regardless of when you mark its beginning, the coming of spring is something we can all look forward to. I know I am – just not yet.

Home Sweet Home…

I finally made it back to Dublin in the wee hours of last Sunday morning, and I was a bit apprehensive about returning. This trip ended up being the longest I’ve ever been away from Dublin, a total of 8 weeks when all was said and done and I was worried that I’d forgotten how to Dublin. 

The minute I walked into my apartment last Sunday morning though, all apprehension evaporated when I saw a lovely Welcome Home surprise on my dining table. My dear friend, writing partner and apartment sitter had left me all sorts of treats – flowers, chocolates, a bottle of cava and… covid tests! It was so lovely to get such a thoughtful gift and so nice to know that I was missed while I was away. 

My lovely Welcome Home surprise.

Those covid tests came in very handy as I wanted to test myself everyday for several days before I let myself be with people again – just to be ultra safe. I feel very lucky to have not gotten covid while it was making its way through my close circle in the weeks after Christmas. Anecdotally, in my immediate family the only people who got covid in this round were those hadn’t been able to get a booster jab yet. I decided to get my booster while I was in the States rather than wait until I got back to Dublin and I’m so glad I did – I firmly believe that if not for that booster, I would’ve got covid. So, if you haven’t – get your booster!!!

After six negative antigen tests, I finally allowed myself to be around people on Friday afternoon. The same friend who gave it to me came over to my place and, after working for a couple hours, we got more than a little drunk on that bottle of cava. Yesterday, I met up with two more friends that I’d not seen in forever and we had a lovely catch-up. It felt so good to spend some time with some of my people – and I really hope 2022 allows me to spend more time with more of my peeps.

I extended my trip back home by about a week in an effort to ride out the omicron wave since it was seeming to peak and then drop rather quickly. And turns out, my timing was nearly perfect. Here in Ireland, omicron has peaked and as of yesterday, most restrictions have been lifted. I’m still wearing masks everywhere and I’m not itching to be in a super crowded pub or attend a concert anytime soon. But still, it was so nice to get some positive news about things.

This year I will mark my 10 year anniversary of arriving in Dublin. I should be hearing about my Irish citizenship application very very soon. Dublin is home – and it does indeed feel very sweet to be back.